In what was the most exciting January deadline day in Premier League history, Liverpool's £35m swoop for Andy Carroll has left Newcastle with a big pair of boots to fill up front.
Henry, pictured here dancing around in his grundies, was seen as the ideal replacement.
A source close to the club told the Daily Express: "We had a real attempt to get Henry but the start of the MLS season worked against us.
Carroll’s eleventh-hour departure prevented us getting a regular signing to replace him. But we would like to find a quality replacement, given that we have to look at players outside regular club contracts."
The news comes as a relief to Red Bulls fans, as well as MLS fans in general, who are no doubt pretty frustrated with the Prem's attitude to loaning their stars in the off-season.
While I'm sure they liked seeing Landon Donovan succeed with Everton, Beckham's injury last year must have been a kick in the teeth.
He might soon be joined by a former team-mate and compatriot too. The French newspaper L'equipe reports that Nicolas Anelka is considering a move to New York Red Bulls this summer. Now that Chelsea have signed Fernando Torres from the club he once called "the only English team for me", Nico has slipped down in the pecking order. He was recently pictured (right) proudly sporting a red sticker in the shape of a star, which his dentist gave him for being "a brave boy".
New York have released former Villa star Juan Pablo Angel, which frees up one of the three places on the "non-wage cap" list, so Anelka wouldn't have to worry about earning a measly tuppence.
The notion of a select few being allowed to earn over the wage cap definitely confuses me. Still, I'm sure the Red Bulls squad don't mind if it means getting to see Nico's sticker and Thierry's skuddy undies.